Slow and Steady wins the Race

Hi!

Well, gonna jump right in there! I FINALLY did a work-out (Kick-boxing for 20 minutes with Denise Austin) I feel really good when I work out and I'm trying to get my mind wrapped around the reality that I am TIRED of being "SOFT" I have an athletic, muscular, N'Awlins creole- body type. I don't LOOK 300 #'s and THAT's where the danger lies, because I just look like a "thick-misses" with a LOT of "boobies". All my weight sits in the danger zone which is the chest area. I went to Lane Bryant and thought I had found some bra's to fit me (44/46- H) but they are STILL a little tight in the breast area.

I must make a commitment to lose this weight because I want to be here with my daughter and experience life with her. My mother left me (died from breast cancer when I was 18 years old) and I have missed a LOT of experiences that I would have loved to share with her. I feel that losing weight will allow me the opportunity to rid myself of something that could take me away from her too soon.

I would really like to put on an outfit and feel like I did when I was younger. Shoot! I KNOW I am STILL CUTE... but there is just SO MUCH OF ME to wrap that cuteness around. This weight makes my face look tired ALL THE DARN TIME! My lil' "squinty-eyes" look CLOSED when I smile cuz my cheeks push them way too close together! I just want to go back to a healthy and fabulous weight.

I'm lazy with exercise, but my goal this year is to banish self-doubt and self-depraving habits from my life. I really do love me, I've put a lot of work into freeing myself spiritually and emotionally from the abuse I survived during the past twelve years, now it's time to walk in the light of God and be a healthier, happier Rhonda.

Hopefully, others will join me on this post and we can support each other- but if not... I'm gonna figure this out on my own...ACTUALLY I'm gonna listen and let GOD guide me to success by submitting my will to Him and letting go of overeating.

I'm blessed as I come and as I go.

r

Exercise-No, FAITH- Yes!

Well, I don't know if anyone is checking in anymore but... I'm here for my good and at some point, I'll get there. I have lost about 3 lbs so far, I could have lost more- but I'm falling into familiar self-sabotaging patterns. I have been trying to move more, (more housework/errands than television watching and more dancing).

However, I was stressed out about my internship and where I would go but I decided to do what I know and that is... to LET GO AND LET GOD! and WHEW!!! DID HE DO IT!!! He has placed me in a Christian environment working to help build a non-profit that helps formerly incarcerated persons (F.I.P.'s) find housing and employment!!! Oh! How can I BEGIN to tell you how GOOD GOD IS!! He gave me what I prayed over BUT BETTER!!! So you know what? I'm now in prayer to win this war against overeating. I believe it shall be done, so I'm moving forward on faith.

If anyone is checking this post, please don't give up! I have been (in Mary J.'s words) "To the edge of the ledge...BUT I didn't JUMP!!!" Keep coming back and keep believing in your self, we're not perfect...but we have been given the ability to choose... so choose to keep trying and keep praying and keep moving in a positive direction....every time we try again, we get a little closer to our goal.

Be blessed!

Rhonda

I'm still the only one

Well, this is admittedly discouraging that no one has checked in with my blog for several days. I miss hearing from my one buddy that did leave me a message, but... oh, well. I haven't checked in myself for a few days. I completely fell off the wagon after my financial aid came in. I ate fast food cuz I was out buying furniture for my house from craigslist members. I got great deals but I have spent a LOT of money ( well, a lot for me). I stressed over spending money on furniture instead of filing bankruptcy like I planned to. I'm stressing because I have spent more that $14.00 (way more) so... that triggered the overeating binge and now I 've got a fridge full of Popeyes chicken!!

It's hard to admit that I fail a little everyday BUT it's even HARDER looking in the mirror and seeing more stomach than I had when my daughter was STILL IN IT!! This is a HARD fight and I feel that I must go into prayer and fasting over it. I'm not knowledgeable about fasting but I know in order to break through something that is binding me up, that I must be willing to sacrifice something that means a lot to me and it seems like MEAT is my greatest temptation, especially when it is FRIED- so maybe I'll give THAT up . I don't know... maybe I'll give it up AFTER I finish off the box (shoot, I paid 20.00 for all that chicken and lovely mashed potatoes)

I'm so bad sometimes :) I WANT to lose the weight but I keep letting fast-food win! I have ordered a DVD that comes with the workout ball, I want to see if going really low-impact will make a difference. Although I plan to switch it up some with dancing, Tae-Bo, and the Big Ball workout. My goal is to lose weight... I'll figure it out as I go. Now that I've spent all my money, I can't afford to go to Curves (maybe subconsciously I SPENT all my money on PURPOSE so I COULDN'T go to Curves! HMMMmm- that sounds like something I would do to sabotage my chances of success). I don't know why I continually stand in my own way.

Well, since I'm the only one on this blog... I'll work my way through this on my own. Maybe seeing all of this is print will be my catalyst for change.

Peace

Know when to hold 'em...

Kenny Rogers said..."You gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, know when to run..." I think I'm gonna fold 'em! I'm going to Curves! I was going to try to do this on my own, but I can already see that it's not gonna work. I've slipped up - not as bad as I usually would, but I can see a pattern of late night eating and horribly sporadic sleep patterns (getting up at 6:50 a.m. to get my daughter ready for school, running errands all day then not going to bed until 2-3 a.m. the next morning)- I've GOT to stay OUT of the kitchen after a certain time if I want to have any measure of success. I need the support of a group- so... I made up my mind that a portion of my financial aid from school will go towards helping me lose weight. I can't really afford to do it, but in reality... if I want to LIVE and be HEALTHIER... I really cannot afford NOT to do it.

I have also found out there is a local Overeaters Anonymous chapter in my area, so I think I'm going to give them a try also. I'm not used to going to many places on my own but...heck I said I'm staring down fear and anxiety this year. I'm 37 and there's no reason WHY I feel like I MUST have a companion EVERYWHERE I go.

I'll keep you updated. It's ME v/s the Muffin Top... IT'S GOTTA GO!! I'm "TOO CUTE" to not be able to button my pant - how that relates I don't know, but I DO KNOW that I AM too cute to be carrying around all this unhealthy weight, I want my outer beauty to shine like my inner beauty does! :)

Stay tuned....

I slipped up!

I did pretty well today, I managed to hang in there during the instructional video for Billy Blanks Tae-Bo and even worked up a pretty good sweat. But... I got a little discouraged when I went to J.C.Pennys and tried on a size "20" only to find the button and the button hole "weren't even in the same state!" My muffing top was in FULL EFFECT!!... so I just sat and "talked to it while looking in the mirror. I told it- it HAD TO GO. My daughter was trying to tell me "it's not THAT bad, but God love her :) she does her best to cheer me up when it comes to "Belly-Bashing" :)

I also allowed anxiety over money to creep in and take over a portion of my thoughts and when I got home... AFTER my daughter went to bed, I waited until 1:30 a.m. to eat a bowl of Gumbo and 2 slices of "mmmm good sweet potato pie". Notice how I can't just call it Pie...it's SO good (cuz I make it myself) so I call it "mmmmm good pie!" :) BUT ... I DIDN'T eat the last two deviled eggs. I caught myself trying to talk myself into eating them, but I touched the muffin top, and told it... it wouldn't win. I'm getting better at forgiving myself for a few slip-ups. I think if I would go to bed at a decent hour that I would have a higher success rate.

I have noticed I am an emotional eater, when I get anxious about anything... I EAT. I eat for other reasons but anxiety seems to be the trigger for a lot of unnecessary eating. I know that I have got to take my hands off the financial issue because I'm so excited to watch Him show the nonbeliever trying to block my blessing simply because she "doesn't like me"... God has already told me, "It's going to be alright" so with His unfailing word, I will go to bed and REST knowing that money will NOT be an issue! It's 2:45 a.m. right now and I've developed a progressively worse sleep pattern but I plan to work on that too!

I hope we all learn to love ourselves as we are, flaws and "fabulous-ness" we are bless through it all.!!

Take care,

Rhonda

Don't do THESE work-out tapes!!

I attempted to try something " new" during my workout today and I promise I WILL NEVER DO THIS AGAIN! I stuck in a dance tape of Paula Abdul's dance work out (YES Ms. Paula!- I found the tape for $.99 @ Goodwill)- unless you weigh 100lbs and own a large non-carpeted workout studio....run in the other direction of this one!! I was a "Hammer-time wanna be, in the 90's I was jumpin' around like I was crazy- cuz I weighed 150 lbs of MUSCLE... This tape was created in 2000 but she's got a lot of the 1990's dance moves. It was very challenging and I did work up a sweat, much to the delight of my 10 yr old :) Paula advises not to do this if you are on a carpet floor because you could injure your knees and I AGREE. I tried it ANYWAY and my poor knees are tinglin' and swelling as we speak. So pass on Paula. :)

I also did a little of Billy Blanks BASIC TAE-BO and it wasn't' too bad. I'm not jumping up and down, I'm keeping it very low-impact but I found it a nice challenge. I also bought several in his series the 8 minute workout, the Kickboxing (I think it's kickboxing or something similar), and a few others. I 'm going to start with the Basic and go at my own pace... I will not be intimidated by the 97 lb folks jumpin and sweatin' behind him. I am 300 lbs and I'd like to think I've learned that I'm not "twinkle-toes" anymore :)

I overdid it a little when eating today, but not as bad as I usually would. I made Gumbo with Shrimp, Sausage, Crabmeat and Chicken- it was spicy and delicious and normally I would have eaten a bowl every time I passed the pot, but I managed to only eat two bowls between 5 p.m and 10 p.m. Now the sweet-potato pie is a little different :) I started with a "sliver w/ whipped cream at 4 p.m. and then a regular slice w/whipped cream at 6p.m , then a "mmmm good slice" at 10:30 p.m. I know I've got to stop eating after 8 p.m. but I'm not gonna freak out over it today. The positive part is that I didn't overeat as much as I normally would because in the past I would have eaten at least 6 bowls of Gumbo, and at least 6 slices of "mmmmm good" pie :0 I'll take the small victories where I can find them. :)

Hope all of you had a fantastic day also! Let me know how your first day of 2008 went!

Words to Live By- Challenge Yourself!

I heard someone say yesterday that when they stand before the Lord and are asked to empty their pockets of all the "left-over" talent they received throughout their life but had not used...that they would have NOTHING to return because they would have used EVERY PORTION and MEASURE of TALENT/BLESSINGS/GIFTS that God had bestowed upon them in their lifetime.! Please stay mindful daily that this is NOT a test run...a day we lose to negativity is LOST FOREVER, every second we use to be a blessing to ourselves and other is an opportunity to bless and change a life. We all have a purpose- we are all gifted, use challenges as an opportunity to prove to God we CAN walk IN faith and BY Faith and TRUST HIM to bring us through it!! Life is an INSURMOUNTABLE OPPORTUNITY!!! There are SO MANY BLESSINGS WAITING FOR US. Don't sell yourself short, no matter how much we weigh- we are all children of God who were designed to revel in His Glory. Shame is not a part of HIS plan for us. Challenge yourself to focus on the positive even in the face of uncertainty. Cry when you must to release the tension but CRY OUT to God while you're going through it and Rest in HIS arms when you are drained from fighting the "world". NEVER give up because we are not designed to be failures- the world wants us to THINK so, but Press on Toward the Mark!!

This is one of the most inspirational and motivational passages I have EVER read. I borrowed this from the web page of another BV member. I hope it challenges all who read it to be the very best they can be.

Though well-used, this is still a wonderful quote to reflect on. It is from Marianne Williamson's "A Return to Love...Reflections on a Course in Miracles.

""Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.' We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Use these words as encouragement throughout your faith walk :)

I appreciate you allowing me to share encouraging words with you!